In an hour and 15 minutes my mom will turn 66. Happy Birthday Mom! I love you!
So it has been a while since I updated you. I started the temp job. I have been working there for 2 weeks now. It is fun. I have a cube that I share with one other girl. I have my name plate on my cube. I have a badge that I have to wear to get in and out of all the buildings. I have work email and a computer log in. It is all super exciting. This is the first time in my whole like of 28 years that I have ever worked in a corporate setting such as this. I had never worked in a cube before. And on campaigns if you don’t bring your own computer you may not ever use one. I got my own wand yesterday. Scanning barcodes aren’t just for van ID’s anymore. We use them too. The job isn’t super complicated. There are a lot of steps. But when you are only doing 1 or 2 at a time it is fairly easy. So to pass the time I have been listening to books on tape. Actually I guess it would be books on mp3… Whatever. So I started with Bill Clinton’s My Life. It was a great book. I had listened to part of it a couple of times before. But it was nice to hear it all. I will eventually read the whole book because the version I listened to is where he reads it and it is abridged. Right now I am almost done with John Grishim’s book The Appeal. It is great. I am enjoying it. In it there is an election for a state Supreme Court judge…. I think everyone who works on campaigns should read or listen to this book. It has restored my passion for campaigning. Over the last few months I have been trying to figure out what is next for me. Where I should go. What I should do. 2 weeks temping and I know I don’t belong in corporate America. I hate it there. Not because the tasks are easy. The reasons are the same that they were my junior year of college. When I was faced with this dilemma. I was a business major. I finally was admitted into the program and stated taking the higher classes. Half way through the semester I realized I hated business classes. I hated fighting for the bottom line. I hated that I could see all of the families that the numbers represented. I hated that I cared so much. Well I ended up embracing my big heart and changing my major to political science. That was probably the best decision of my life. I finally enjoyed class. I enjoyed the subjects I was learning about. It was easier for my to write an essay that to take a multiple choice test. The whole process had changed me. I had been so afraid of being wrong that I forgot to stop and listen to my heart and figure out what was best for me as a person. I would make a similar discovery many years later… but that is a story for another night.
So I have been looking for work in a horrible economy. Unable to find anything that really interests me. And it is frustrating. After a while you kind of get in the mental place where you question everything. You stop wanting to go to sleep because there is no reason to get up once you do. I worked for over 5 years trying to save the world… one election at a time… To rub elbows with former and current presidents. To work with some of the greatest political minds in the country… to finally be really good at something… then to be sitting here with nothing to do. No where to go. No longer important. No longer needed. The only comfort coming from the fact that you aren’t the only one. That 95% then 85% then 75% then 50% and so on of your friends didn’t have jobs either. That made it a little easier. Until one of them would get a job…. Then you would question everything. Why wasn’t I getting called? Why were they? I know I am better than they are… The self doubt sets in. And you question your cover letters your resume. You change it. You rework your whole strategy. The only problem is there are no jobs. Nothing is screaming omg I have to work on this! You reside to think that this year I am just going to have to take what comes and be happy I have a job. The only problem with that attitude is it will show in your work. And it will show in your ability to get excited about applying for the job. I have applied to many jobs over the last 6 months. Many times getting really excited only to have the excitement fade as the job prospect faded. Then explaining over and over again why you are living with your mother. Why you don’t have a job. Why you can’t just work at McDonalds… ps they aren’t hiring here. I sit here and stare at the map on the wall and the post cards underneath it. I look at where all I have been. And where all I still want to go. And I question do I really want to settle down and get a place of my own and have a social life… I don’t like working in corporate America. I haven’t won an election somewhere I wanted to stay…
So as you can see the story isn’t finished. I don’t know where I am going from here. I don’t know what is next for me. I don’t even know what I am having for lunch tomorrow. And if you know me you know that is a huge decision every day 
- now it is 45 minutes until my mom’s bday…
Sleep well! I will get the hang of blogging soon!